(scroll to bottom for audience participation)

…be in Dublin on Bloomsday, June 16

…carry your Ma up Macchu Piccu

…go to Paris and do not kiss Oscar Wilde’s grave

…see a solar eclipse

…trip over tree roots in Angkor Wat

…catch a glimpse of the Dalai Lama’s bald head

…have at least one diplomat friend that does not make you hate the world

…have many lawyer friends for free legal council

…replace ‘lawyer’ above with ‘doctor’

…make everyone call you ‘Dr.’ even if you never get a PhD

…pretend you’re lying to Alexander the Great about his daddy in Siwa

…publicly defame a famous scholar (who’s alive at the time, coward) in an article

…marry yourself

…publish some sort of tomfoolery

…actually become fluent in Arabic and Italian

…be reading while dying…or at least funny

…pretend to be a ronin in Kyoto

…have a dream where Charlie Parker is a prophet

…work on a boat

…really yell ‘Boris!’ in Moscow, Petersburg and where-ever else in Russia to determine the number of Borises

…do something useful so as not to feel like a schmuck on your deathbed

…die in a ridiculous way, and legally enforce cremation

…bathe in the Ganges and sit under a Bodhi fig tree

…pretend to be a Skywalker in Tunisia

…make Berbers ashamed of you with belly dancing in Morocco or Algeria

…prove Harry wrong and have an army of guy friends

…return to your roots on the African continent

…test the value of the Cypress tree in Lebanon

…contemplate life from a gourd in China

…use a machete in the jungle

…reconnect with your ‘twin’ Francesca in St. Eufemia

…corrupt your cousins’ and brother’s female children with feminism, thereby become referred to in conversation as ‘My crazy aunt Mimi’

…interrogate and intimidate every male suitor of friends

…follow through on death threats

…get excommunicated from something, preferrably the United States

…befriend some Masons, just in case

…figure out why all the actors from Australia are so damn attractive

…visit Draculia in Romania

…wear clogs in the Netherlands…and maybe accidentaly get high from inhaling the fumes, which may or may not have caused you to wear the clogs in the first place

…see if its possible to cash in on those Saudi royals that your parents presumably befriended

…test the backwardness of the names Greenland and Iceland through visual evidence

…use the word ‘swarthy’ in a stuffy academic setting

…join a Bedouin tribe

…if above doesn’t work—despite your charming personality--start your own

…call yourself ‘Dagmar’ in one of those cold northern European countries

…pay homage to Freddie in Zanzibar

…pick a cluster of islands (Hawaii doesn’t count) and philander

…yell profanities in a cockney accent in Oxford

…make sure to make friends that have hospitality all across the globe

…discuss your views on the female’s ability to love with Aristotle and Plato at the Parthenon

…tell a Turk that you don’t hate them, despite being both Egyptian and Italian

…strive to be graced with the nickname ‘Lucifer’, or ‘Lucy’ for short

…brush up on your MacGuyverisms for future emergencies

 

Suggestions? What are your Commandments?