21. Flattery

     There are innumerable dark nights of the soul in work like this. Sometimes sleepless nights are accompanied only by the acidic comments of our minds are all too familiar. Combine that with a domino movement of united protest in North Africa and one's life can seem pretty unimportant in comparison.
     As with any challenge we face in life, we always wonder, “Am I insertyouradjectiveofchoice enough?” This question can stop us in our tracks or cause us to dive in head first to avoid answering it. I have definitely tried using the latter method more often the former.
     I'm the analytical sort, and not in any useful sense.
More than halfway through my service as I am now, I look back on how many times that question had me frozen and wide-eyed. Oftentimes I don't feel a sense of accomplishment, just urgency at how much is still left to do and how much time I have left. It's always a little funny to me when friends of mine ask me how many months I have left. I twitch a little each time since it only manages to remind me of all the work I need to get done. They, one the other hand, find it hilarious that I'm not counting down the hours.
     And that, esteemed ladies and gentlemen, is what sent me into a crazed fit of endless work in January 2011. No sleep, mysterious ailments, electricity blackouts, angry shouting matches gave me quite the comical appearance. At the end of a long list of unfortunate events, I offered this simple response to my students: They laughed, mostly because the American was trying to sound wise in their language. I just smirked, simply happy to, once again, still have my sanity after another bout with chaos.
     The month before, two of my students who attended G.L.O.W. asked if we could put on a talent show/New Year's party. I'm embarrassed to admit that my response was mild annoyance at having more work. I asked them a series of questions, trying to make them see that it was more work than they thought it was...and try to discourage them.
     I'm still embarrassed because it almost worked. Almost.
     They came back, with answers. Loving stubbornness as I do, I gave in and dealt out their responsibilities. Over the next couple of weeks, I witnessed the effect of stress and responsibility on two 16 year old girls. It looked familiar. I mean, after all, I've been stressed out A LOT, I know what it looks like. I made sure they knew I was there to help out. I even tried to fill in some gaps I thought they had in their plans.
      I should have known, that they would have it all covered. Because, you know what? They did.
     There I stood, only responsible for taking pictures and full of pride. I saw that crazed look of stressed madness in their eyes more than a couple of times. They didn't know yet that everything was going to be alright, but I did. So, I just smiled with a knowing look in my own eyes, hoping they would see it too.
      Honestly, I thought they were doing a far better job than I ever have. They made me feel a little competitive actually. Imagine my surprise to hear when it was all over And here I was thinking I was a ranting, raving lunatic with no time and no accomplishments.
     Wait, there's more.
     Even BEFORE that, I was spending time with my mateys Stephanie and Jenna, talking shop and such. They were asking some of the same questions that used to and sometimes still do come to my mind. I was using my training as an anthropologist, bs-ing on the spot with feigned authority. My answers were pretty decent, peppered with plenty of funny anecdotes too ridiculous to be made up. Somewhere in all that off the cuff advice, I wondered when I actually started to know what I was doing down here in South Central.
      Ironically enough, it was during this silent musing that they decided that Cap'n would be a suitable nickname for me. I think military rank indicates that I am insertyouradjectiveofchoice enough.
So are Tunisia and Egypt.

Your Azerbaijani for the Day:
Bəşəriyyət dunya nəzarət edə bilmir. - Humanity cannot control the universe. I say this a lot.
Necə nə əsəbiləşmişsən başa duşmurəm. - I don't know how you are so patient.

Your Cap'n Speak for the Day:
mateys – Commonly referred to as a 'sitemate' in Peace Corps terminology, a person with whom a volunteer shares a 'site'. Since I don't have sitemates because they each live in different communities in Beyləgan, I refer to them simply as 'mateys'. It does wonders for the nautical theme.